Again, bits and pieces.

The childhood of my memories is full of many people, my own family with what, at the time seemed like a zillion cousins and aunts and uncles, grandma and grandpa,  all swarming around as we celebrated holidays, summers, birthday or just another Sunday dinner.  There was lots of food, fun and crazy antics every single time this group got together.  The older I get, the more I look back on those memories, remembering what was a simpler time, I think.
As life does, again, we've lost a special person from that time, a big man in our eyes, an uncle, Tom Tucker.  With a name like that, how could anyone ever forget him.  This weekend we gathered to pay our respects, offer up prayers, share stories, remembering his impact on each of us in our own special way.  And it was fitting when we all lifted our glasses and toasted his memory, vowing to remember all the good times we have had.
Also fitting, I feel, was another celebration this weekend, a birth, a brand new baby came into our family, a special niece gave us a shining gift to celebrate.  A beautiful baby girl to add to our family memories.    Again tying our hearts up with love, showing that life circle that keeps turning whether we are ready or not.
So as we said good by to Uncle Tommy, we also opened our hearts to welcome baby Reese.  Life does march on, dropping bits and pieces all around us.

Little Pieces of My Heart

Its inevitable, life changes, life marches on, people come and people go, loved ones pass away and new loves enter into our lives. Knowing all of this does not make it any easier.
Yesterday, our family lost yet another member, a sweet Aunt joins the list of family members lost.   Aunt Bernice was so intricately woven into my growing up years, I spent many days visiting,  sharing a very special time with my cousin Cindy and being totally welcomed by Aunt Bernice and Uncle Verlon whenever I was there.  Many fond memories of her famous Banana Cream pie (a personal favorite!), chicken and dumplings from scratch, home grown green beans that cooked all day long, scrunching up my nose as I watched them make Head Cheese and other concoctions never even seen before.  I marveled (being very young at the time) at how she "made" home grown corn by cutting it off the cob.  I never knew.  There was always something good to eat, no matter what time of the day or night it was.  My memories around that kitchen table clearly made a lasting impression on me through the years.  Slowly our family is changing, those lost are never ever forgotten.  As they leave us here on earth, little pieces of our heart go with them.  Know that they are loved.
And so as I take time to say some prayers for her and all of her family, some how I've got a hankering for some chicken and dumplings and banana cream pie.  I love you Aunt Bernice and always will.

Who I pray for

I guess being older (56 and counting) I found myself more aware of my spirituality.  Better late than never, I suppose.  Not really proud of that but happy I've found my holy place.  Born and raised Catholic, its who I am and its what I do.  So now I find myself looking for prayer time.  Usually its on my walks, I plug in and listen and pray along with our Holy Rosary or the Divine Mercy.  Nothing to complicated, just a nice set of repetitious prayers to focus ones soul and heart on whats important. I honestly feel so much as I complete each prayer time.
As each prayer time comes around,  my "list" if you will, of who I'm praying for grows and grows.

Of course, I pray for my little family, my husband of 31 years that he's love for me and our family continues and grows with each passing year.  For each of our dear children, as they face their own daily challenges, that they make the decisions that will best carrying them to where they need to be in life with a good and gracious heart.

I pray for my Momma that she stays well, that her days will be calm and peaceful as she deals with the never ending challenges of trying to regain her comforts of her home.  For my sisters, for their health, especially Linda, as she faces the biggest foe ever, cancer.  I pray that my other sisters also stay strong and healthy and that our connection as sisters remain as strong and special as it is.  I pray for each of their own family members, each one dealing with obstacles and opportunities.
I pray for all of our dear aunts and uncles, slowly their numbers are diminishing, remembering how much a part of our growing up years they all were.  And for each of their families as well, cousins forever.

I pray for all our departed family members, Daddy, Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, Tim's parents, Grandparents and Aunt and Uncles, that they all find their way to heaven where we can all be together again.

I pray for friends, near and far, from long ago and now, all their families, all their lost family members, that that find comfort and peace, in their days.

I pray for people I even read about, little kids with life challenging illness, husbands who've had strokes, husbands who have died, friends who are battling cancer, people of disasters, attacks, anger and sadness. I hope my prayers send out a small ray of comfort.

Sometimes I try to imagine all these prayer intentions as quilt, each square a connection to my life, every last one that I want to remember in prayer.  So if ever you feel a little bit of something, gently falling on your shoulders in the course of the day, maybe its my prayer for you, wrapping around you like a quilted blanket.  Its what I ask for.

E.D.I.T.

I've been on this Weight Watcher "way of life" forever it seems.  Made Life Time, loved it, swore to maintain and NEVER EVER regain those 30 pounds I worked so hard to lose.  And as things tend to go, I gained it all back.  Every pound, bite by bite.  I rejoined, recommitted, struggled, failed, cheated, starved, walked, "fudged" those trackers, drank the water, counted the points, weighed every bite and eventually came to a realization.

If I was serious "this time", I'd rejoin, on-line and go to weekly meetings.  So I did.  For about about a year I've been at it.  Again.  Found a good group, a great leader, working the program and on the right path, seeing the results I needed to see and feel.  And then I hit that wall.  Feeling too good, a bit smug even, not quite following the program but not not following either.  But the numbers show the truth.

So I had a talk with myself.  Admitted that I had to quit trying to cheat the system, quit thinking that if I was really "good" on Thursday, the numbers would be so awesome at my Friday weigh-in.   Like a kid taking a test and studying really hard the night before the test.  I was failing.  So this week I introduced something new.  My latest deal:  Every. Day. Is. Thursday.  E.D.I.T.

And Friday's weigh in?  Down.  So it begins.

E.D.I.T.

Church Ladies' Retreat 2016

Just got home from an awesome get a way with some very special friends from St. Agnes Church.  I'll admit I was a bit skeptical about this event.  A retreat?  The whole weekend? Quiet?  Not sure this is really meant for me but I signed on the dotted line and committed to go.
After an embarrassing miscue on my part (they said noon, not one 'o'clock!) the ladies graciously picked me up and up to Belleville IL we went.  Our retreat weekend was at the beautiful King's House Retreat & Renewal Center, a lovely place nestled in the middle of 47 acres hidden in the middle of this city.  Check in was quick, our rooms found, we settled in for a bit of socializing with dinner before the call for silence was announced.  Imagine approximately 50 women altogether without talking.  At all.  Amazing really.  It was the beginning of the kind of centering of ourselves, in the quiet you became aware of so many things around you.
This weekend was filled with a lot of things.  Meals, such very good meals, prayers, heartfelt and really special prayers.  Time to walk, the surrounding grounds were beautiful, there along the trails was the Stations of the Cross to ponder Jesus' final hours on earth.  The winds on Saturday certainly kept you aware of the powers of Heaven all around you as they blew through the trees.  Saturday evening Mass was made special with the Anointing of the Sick for any who felt they needed this blessing.  Amazingly every single one of us stood up for this anointing.  As day turned to night, settling in for the end of our day opened up time just to focus on yourself.  Don't really do that enough.
In a blink of an eye, it was Sunday.  The day brought beautiful sunshine, another Mass to be shared with all of our new friends.   And finally talking.  Oh how wonderful it was.  I missed it a lot.  Another wonderful meal and then it was time to pack up and head back home.  Back to family.  Back to our real world.  I certainly hope that I can hold on to all that I gained, all that I learned from this special time.  It was truly a Bridge of Mercy.

What I meant to say

I meant to say I love you more.  I meant to say, call if you need anything.  I meant to say, come see us whenever you can.  I meant to say I love your little growing family.  I meant to say how proud I am of every thing you do.  I meant to say, if there's anything I can do, please let me know.  I meant to say, I would never judge whatever is going on in your life.  I meant to say, I hope everything is okay. I meant to say, call anytime.  I mean to say, I have loved watching you grow up.  I meant to say, I can't wait to see what you all become.

These are just a few things I really meant to say. But words get jumbled up inside sometimes.  They often don't come out the way they should or don't come out at all.  In my heart, they really are meant to be shared and stated often.  Please know that I truly mean each and every one of these.

Its what family really means.

Love. You. All.

A New "Normal"

Effective Thursday, August 27th, 2015 I will be "celebrating" an anniversary of sorts.  Two years ago and counting I had Knee #1 replaced, out with the old in with the new!  I am very glad I did so, don't get me wrong but boy, sometimes I feel like someone forgot to tell me "the rest of the story".

I learned prior to surgery that it was helpful to learn and do the exercise before removal and this aids in recovery afterwards.  I faithfully did so and yes, was glad to have gone through the motions to make recovery that much better.  Apparently I was a "good student" because I was able to complete my recovery on my own after the initial three week home prescribed therapy.  As long as I did my exercises (twice a day) then there was no need to visit with a therapist throughout my healing.  And I did.  Three months later it was a repeat session, Knee #2 was out and replaced as well.  Again, I self-therapied after the home therapy for three weeks and found myself out and about in a fairly quick manner.

So now its two years l later.  Finally the scars are beginning to lessen, losing their "frankenstein" appearance and fading into a fainter line.  And knee pain is a thing of the past, gone, removed, replaced and thats a good feeling.  But there is more to just getting new knees.  There  is the daily reminders that these knees send or better yet its the legs that are attached to those knees.   Anytime spent  in a sitting position, no matter how long, is accompanied by a reminder of their artificial-ness.  You go to stand up, legs say whoa, lets think about this and with a solid push forward I tell them, yes we are moving and we're going to like it.  And away we go.  Kinda of a dull pressure that hasn't started to feel like they're really mine.  Wonder if they ever will.

I try to walk, a lot and I still think I "hear" these joints clicking, again, not sure if that will ever stop being weird.  Kneeling at Mass is interesting but if Our Lord could endure the suffering he did I figure I can handle a little discomfort for a bit.  Emptying out bottom cabinet, ha, not happening, kneeling to scrub the floor, whatever, weeding out in the garden, bend at the waist, stair climbing has gotten pretty good but I'm still cautious, hiking through the hills with Tim, not really happening either but I blame that on the ankles (another story).  Putting on and tying shoes, trimming toenails are all another part of the challenges of new knees.

So I really feel like these surgeons that perform these awesome surgeries to really help us out need to add and extra chapter to their book on What's about to Happen?.  I do not regret any of my surgeries to deal with the old knees of mine but I do wonder if I would have questioned things more if I had known "about the New Normal".