This time its forever. Seriously I didn't intend to lose 32lbs just to put it all back on again. But that is exactly what happened, one bite at a time, one pound at at time, til I was back to within 3lbs of my original "overweight" weight of 2004. Dumb.
So begin again, redo, start over, its my new direction.
October 5th I rejoined WW, paid my dues, stepped up on the scale and claimed the weight challenge as my own. And ever slowly the numbers change, dropping so slightly. Of course I want faster, quicker, bigger but the reality is what it is. Baby steps is the name of this game, first goal is 7 lbs. And as of this evening's meeting I am 2.6lbs from this target. I'll do it, I'll ring this bell and move forward with this adventure because this time I mean it. For real.
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Friday, October 22, 2010
Life with Millie
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
A Full House
It took the husband and I twenty-five years to attain this; a full house. Our first born, our daughter was born 3 years after we were married, the beginning of the family that we were creating. Four years later our first born son arrived, bringing a new direction for us. Another four years later and we added a second son to our midst. It was three and half years after this that our last little boy arrived. Our family was complete. This family of six kept us moving.
In a blink of an eye, the new life for us began. Schools days started fast and furious, a constant race forward. Milestones of preschool, kindergarten, grade school and high school really seemed to be a blur as each child mastered a new level. With each child, the directions were a little different. A tweak here, an adjustment there gently guided these little people to their full potential. There were days I was sure that our manuscript for this role was written in Greek, honestly didn’t know which way was right. Somehow we managed, accomplishments were achieved, confidence established and graduations attained.
And then it began, the oldest left, moved on to college, living independently, thoroughly enjoying her life. Our proudest moment was her college graduation, the ultimate accomplishment. Somehow in just a matter of time, the next child also moved on, off to college so many miles away. Our once full house was shrinking in size. It has been fourteen years since there were just two children in the house and now we were back to those numbers again. Honestly, it feels a little off, workable but different all the way around.
It’s the little things, planning meals for four people seems ridiculous at times. Cleaning up after these same four, a quick maneuver. Even emptying the dishwasher seems like half a job most days. The laundry chore often feel like I should just wait another day or two more. All of this is a true sign of the changes in our home, another direction in our lives.
I know it’s not over yet, the two remaining children will also move on with their lives in a very short time. Our nest will definitely be shrinking and adjustment will have to be made. But in the meantime I think I’ll just savor the times we are having, long for the return of the independent ones for visits and thank God for all that we have in our lives.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Did I hear that?
It does take one to know one.
Having lived with hearing issues all my life, periods of retesting are always necessary. Often with anxiety I would enter “the box”; it was sound proofed and very intimating in appearance. One lone chair sat inside this dark and ominous looking place. A large window inside was the link between myself and the technician performing the tests. Upon my head would be placed a huge headset and through these would come the sounds to be evaluated. After giving the instructions on how to designate which sounds were actually heard, the technician would leave and close the door between myself and the outside world.
With that the testing would begin; a series of pitches, tones and noises would be passed through the headset awaiting my responses. Feeling confident in the beginning; I would signal appropriatedly to each sound heard. But as time would pass, it always seemed that my world would slow down. Self doubt would creep in, nervously I would pondered each and every possible noise that I heard. Did I hear that? Was that it? Surely it hasn’t been that quiet all this time? That was a beep, right? Right, left right? Am I almost finished? It’s been forever since I really heard something, right? Finally the technician would signal through the glass window that the testing was completed. The intimidating door would open, I was allowed to leave. The testing results would be complied and follow up forthcoming.
I don’t think anyone who has shared this repeated testing every really forgets it. So like a private club, I claim these hearing tests for my fellow hearing impaired friends, truly it does take one to know one.
Having lived with hearing issues all my life, periods of retesting are always necessary. Often with anxiety I would enter “the box”; it was sound proofed and very intimating in appearance. One lone chair sat inside this dark and ominous looking place. A large window inside was the link between myself and the technician performing the tests. Upon my head would be placed a huge headset and through these would come the sounds to be evaluated. After giving the instructions on how to designate which sounds were actually heard, the technician would leave and close the door between myself and the outside world.
With that the testing would begin; a series of pitches, tones and noises would be passed through the headset awaiting my responses. Feeling confident in the beginning; I would signal appropriatedly to each sound heard. But as time would pass, it always seemed that my world would slow down. Self doubt would creep in, nervously I would pondered each and every possible noise that I heard. Did I hear that? Was that it? Surely it hasn’t been that quiet all this time? That was a beep, right? Right, left right? Am I almost finished? It’s been forever since I really heard something, right? Finally the technician would signal through the glass window that the testing was completed. The intimidating door would open, I was allowed to leave. The testing results would be complied and follow up forthcoming.
I don’t think anyone who has shared this repeated testing every really forgets it. So like a private club, I claim these hearing tests for my fellow hearing impaired friends, truly it does take one to know one.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
A Breaking Heart
It wasn’t supposed to be like this
Their lives together began with challenges, a new baby and a new life together all at the same time. But through the years this couple made it work. Over time this little family grew, four little girls completed this special group . Life was good. The golden years were a treasure worth waiting for, a lifetime together, family raised and grandbabies to cherish. The past remembered fondly and a future to be shared together.
Instead fate has played a different hand and the golden years have tarnished. Changes came slowly, things forgotten, items misplaced, memories mislaid. A partner is slowly slipping away; the once vibrant man has become a shadow of the one he once was. Daily, the trials become more, the constant hardship slowly wearing away a woman’s heart and soul.
Still she hangs on, striving to maintain, to handle what is becoming more and more impossible. The circle that began so many years ago has come around completely. Daily life is now just another day to mark off the calendar. Often she’s thinks back those fifty some years ago, when together they were just beginning, never imagining to find herself in the place she is today. Never believing that she would lose the one she loves like this.
And oh so slowly her heart begins to break.
Their lives together began with challenges, a new baby and a new life together all at the same time. But through the years this couple made it work. Over time this little family grew, four little girls completed this special group . Life was good. The golden years were a treasure worth waiting for, a lifetime together, family raised and grandbabies to cherish. The past remembered fondly and a future to be shared together.
Instead fate has played a different hand and the golden years have tarnished. Changes came slowly, things forgotten, items misplaced, memories mislaid. A partner is slowly slipping away; the once vibrant man has become a shadow of the one he once was. Daily, the trials become more, the constant hardship slowly wearing away a woman’s heart and soul.
Still she hangs on, striving to maintain, to handle what is becoming more and more impossible. The circle that began so many years ago has come around completely. Daily life is now just another day to mark off the calendar. Often she’s thinks back those fifty some years ago, when together they were just beginning, never imagining to find herself in the place she is today. Never believing that she would lose the one she loves like this.
And oh so slowly her heart begins to break.
Monday, August 30, 2010
That time of year…
Well, it’s happening.
The season of summer is passing by; I can feel the change in the air. Sure it’s still pretty hot and the lawn still needs to be mowed and trimmed. But the garden it is so done. For whatever reasons my attempts to grow a bunch of tomatoes and green peppers failed. In a big way failed. Total I got maybe a dozen tomatoes and one green pepper. Fail. And still I need to turn it all over and hope that maybe next year it will be better.
But more noticeable is our end-of-the-summer allergies, misery is moving in quick. The itchy eyes, tickle in the throat or unstoppable sneezing, fall allergies have arrived. And so yet again, I will keep the house closed up, a.c. turned on in a feeble attempt to keep some members of this household comfortable. Even though I shouldn’t say it, I can’t wait for the first frost to come along and put an end to this nonsense once and for all.
Yes, it is that time of year and all I can say is hurry up already.
The season of summer is passing by; I can feel the change in the air. Sure it’s still pretty hot and the lawn still needs to be mowed and trimmed. But the garden it is so done. For whatever reasons my attempts to grow a bunch of tomatoes and green peppers failed. In a big way failed. Total I got maybe a dozen tomatoes and one green pepper. Fail. And still I need to turn it all over and hope that maybe next year it will be better.
But more noticeable is our end-of-the-summer allergies, misery is moving in quick. The itchy eyes, tickle in the throat or unstoppable sneezing, fall allergies have arrived. And so yet again, I will keep the house closed up, a.c. turned on in a feeble attempt to keep some members of this household comfortable. Even though I shouldn’t say it, I can’t wait for the first frost to come along and put an end to this nonsense once and for all.
Yes, it is that time of year and all I can say is hurry up already.
Sunday, August 29, 2010
What I meant to do
**another catching up***
When 2009 came in, I had good intention. I meant to get into better shape by exercising 3x’s a week. I meant to eat better, healthy habits and all. I meant to be a better person, kinder, more understanding, more patience with husband and kids. More understanding of my employer and all the chaos that often occurs there. I meant to be a better daughter, spend more time with my parents, time is precious and I wanted to be there. I meant to be a better sister, calling more often, checking up on my sister’s lives, their families, being one to really listen. I meant to be more involved with my nieces’’ and their babies, so nice to have one close to home. I meant to pray more often, give more of my time, really try to be better.
Now 2009 is over and 2010 is starting fierce and fast. So I again I will try, try to do what really should be done. I will exercise more often, easy to do since I have not done any in oh so long, right? I will eat better, remembering my fruits and vegetables, plenty of water, balancing it all for a better me. I will be better than I was last year because I truly want to be. I might need some reminding, remind me to be kinder, more understanding, and more patient. I promise I will listen. I will be a better employee for a boss who at times is way out there. I will work harder at working better with her instead of against her. I will be a better daughter too. I will come visit, I really do like hanging out with them. I will be a better sister; I will call more often (texting works too right?). I want to know what is going on in their kids’ worlds, all about volleyball and soccer and basketball. I want to know how they are doing in school, what they are good at there.
I will give of my time to those who need it. It is just what should be done. To be able to do all of this I will pray and pray more often. I will pray for all of us as we rush ahead into yet another year. One where we will always be family, together as one. In addition, no matter where 2010 takes each of us, I know that this year will be a precious one for all of us because we have each other.
Love you forever,
Debbie
When 2009 came in, I had good intention. I meant to get into better shape by exercising 3x’s a week. I meant to eat better, healthy habits and all. I meant to be a better person, kinder, more understanding, more patience with husband and kids. More understanding of my employer and all the chaos that often occurs there. I meant to be a better daughter, spend more time with my parents, time is precious and I wanted to be there. I meant to be a better sister, calling more often, checking up on my sister’s lives, their families, being one to really listen. I meant to be more involved with my nieces’’ and their babies, so nice to have one close to home. I meant to pray more often, give more of my time, really try to be better.
Now 2009 is over and 2010 is starting fierce and fast. So I again I will try, try to do what really should be done. I will exercise more often, easy to do since I have not done any in oh so long, right? I will eat better, remembering my fruits and vegetables, plenty of water, balancing it all for a better me. I will be better than I was last year because I truly want to be. I might need some reminding, remind me to be kinder, more understanding, and more patient. I promise I will listen. I will be a better employee for a boss who at times is way out there. I will work harder at working better with her instead of against her. I will be a better daughter too. I will come visit, I really do like hanging out with them. I will be a better sister; I will call more often (texting works too right?). I want to know what is going on in their kids’ worlds, all about volleyball and soccer and basketball. I want to know how they are doing in school, what they are good at there.
I will give of my time to those who need it. It is just what should be done. To be able to do all of this I will pray and pray more often. I will pray for all of us as we rush ahead into yet another year. One where we will always be family, together as one. In addition, no matter where 2010 takes each of us, I know that this year will be a precious one for all of us because we have each other.
Love you forever,
Debbie
What 50 Means to me
(a little catching up in store here)
I think at 50 I finally get it. I finally can begin to understand that the journey we are on is really moving forward, whether we are ready for it or not. The things that are important, God, family, life goals, they really do have an order of importance. Without God, nothing else comes together. Without family, life goals really have no meaning. When you can really put God at the head of the list, accept and love the family that you have and try your hardest to achieve whatever life goals you have set, all of that is what is important.
Therefore, I want to celebrate this 50th year by first thanking God for all He has given me. My parents, the beginning of what this family has become, for them I am so thankful. I have a great family; it has been a blast watching all of them. There is nothing better than watching my little “baby” nieces grow up and start families of their own. It really is a kick to hang out with them. The younger nieces and nephews are still showing what they can do. Cannot wait to see what their life have in store.
Of course, my own kids, they are awesome. Each so different and unique in their own way. Jen, with her love of animals, who am I kidding, horses all the way! Geoff and his drama life, who knew that shy little person would bust out on stage. David, quirky, crazy and a big ole teddy bear all rolled up into one. Michael, my baby and my little man all at the same time. I truly thank God for each of them. In addition, Tim, my love for the past 27 years, without him none of this would be possible.
I also know that without friends life would be so empty. So thank you all for being a part of what I am. As I celebrate my 50th year, I will always remember how each of you has been a big part of what I have become. For all of this I am so thankful.
So I am 50, life is good and as they say, I truly believe the best is yet to come.
Love you all,
Debbie
I think at 50 I finally get it. I finally can begin to understand that the journey we are on is really moving forward, whether we are ready for it or not. The things that are important, God, family, life goals, they really do have an order of importance. Without God, nothing else comes together. Without family, life goals really have no meaning. When you can really put God at the head of the list, accept and love the family that you have and try your hardest to achieve whatever life goals you have set, all of that is what is important.
Therefore, I want to celebrate this 50th year by first thanking God for all He has given me. My parents, the beginning of what this family has become, for them I am so thankful. I have a great family; it has been a blast watching all of them. There is nothing better than watching my little “baby” nieces grow up and start families of their own. It really is a kick to hang out with them. The younger nieces and nephews are still showing what they can do. Cannot wait to see what their life have in store.
Of course, my own kids, they are awesome. Each so different and unique in their own way. Jen, with her love of animals, who am I kidding, horses all the way! Geoff and his drama life, who knew that shy little person would bust out on stage. David, quirky, crazy and a big ole teddy bear all rolled up into one. Michael, my baby and my little man all at the same time. I truly thank God for each of them. In addition, Tim, my love for the past 27 years, without him none of this would be possible.
I also know that without friends life would be so empty. So thank you all for being a part of what I am. As I celebrate my 50th year, I will always remember how each of you has been a big part of what I have become. For all of this I am so thankful.
So I am 50, life is good and as they say, I truly believe the best is yet to come.
Love you all,
Debbie
Waiting for Millie
It’s time.
We’ve been without a dog for almost two years now and I’m ready. Our previous family pet really belonged to our oldest, our daughter. And as all children eventually do, they leave, they go to college, they graduate and move on with their lives. But the beloved pet stays home. Sure that lab got lots of love, mainly from the husband, the boys a little and honestly not so much from me. That poor dog lived to eat, eat she did, didn’t matter what, if it was left out unattended, she ate it. Honestly life was a little different after she left us, I would look around the next corner, convinced I heard the rattle of tags but no Libby. Time moved on, the annoying traces of her fur finally eradicated after a two years absent. And we were a family with no pet.
Now I think it’s time. I want a puppy. In the world of compromise, the men in my life want a big dog; I want a dog that does not shed. And as fate would have it our dear friends have a connection that fits this challenge. Our compromise is a Standard Poodle, relatively big and virtually shed free! To compete in the battle of sexes in my house this newest addition is a sweet female. Her parents are beautiful pair of black poodles and this little canine seems destined to follow in their footsteps.
Naming a puppy is a big job, it’s important to be just right. I met this little sweetie a couple of weeks ago, loved cuddling and smelling that sweet puppy smell. And I wondered, what is her name, what will it be. As it often happens, that perfect name kind of crept up on me one evening. I was remembering a sweet great aunt of mine; the world knew no better person. Her constant companion was her little toy poodles. And this dear aunt’s name? Millie. Perfect. I think she would have agreed.
So in about 5-6 weeks, our newest addition will arrive. She’ll be approximately 10 weeks old. I know she’ll miss her siblings (all 6 of them) but I know she’ll fit right in with this bunch. I know there will be accidents to deal with, chewing to control and schedules to work out. But that’s okay, because I’m ready; it’s time to add a little something to our home. Millie will be where she is meant to be.
We’ve been without a dog for almost two years now and I’m ready. Our previous family pet really belonged to our oldest, our daughter. And as all children eventually do, they leave, they go to college, they graduate and move on with their lives. But the beloved pet stays home. Sure that lab got lots of love, mainly from the husband, the boys a little and honestly not so much from me. That poor dog lived to eat, eat she did, didn’t matter what, if it was left out unattended, she ate it. Honestly life was a little different after she left us, I would look around the next corner, convinced I heard the rattle of tags but no Libby. Time moved on, the annoying traces of her fur finally eradicated after a two years absent. And we were a family with no pet.
Now I think it’s time. I want a puppy. In the world of compromise, the men in my life want a big dog; I want a dog that does not shed. And as fate would have it our dear friends have a connection that fits this challenge. Our compromise is a Standard Poodle, relatively big and virtually shed free! To compete in the battle of sexes in my house this newest addition is a sweet female. Her parents are beautiful pair of black poodles and this little canine seems destined to follow in their footsteps.
Naming a puppy is a big job, it’s important to be just right. I met this little sweetie a couple of weeks ago, loved cuddling and smelling that sweet puppy smell. And I wondered, what is her name, what will it be. As it often happens, that perfect name kind of crept up on me one evening. I was remembering a sweet great aunt of mine; the world knew no better person. Her constant companion was her little toy poodles. And this dear aunt’s name? Millie. Perfect. I think she would have agreed.
So in about 5-6 weeks, our newest addition will arrive. She’ll be approximately 10 weeks old. I know she’ll miss her siblings (all 6 of them) but I know she’ll fit right in with this bunch. I know there will be accidents to deal with, chewing to control and schedules to work out. But that’s okay, because I’m ready; it’s time to add a little something to our home. Millie will be where she is meant to be.
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